Sparkly
by Influxus
Summary: He's always been the glittering one in their eyes - not just his friends, but the rest of the world. He is perfect, flawless, impenetrable. But what they don't know is that he's still looking for a shiny of his own. Tats/Ryu. Angst. Rating may change.


**A/N:** So, yo, I'm finally putting something back up here!! ...Okay, I lied, this is a new one. I tried this idea ages ago, years I think, and it... kind of... turned out... shitty. But seeing as it's now a new year, I do feel pretty obliged to start writing for this site again. And who better to start with than Ryuichi Sakuma? -huggles- Anyway, shut up and act attentive because this is important. Sort of. There's going to be a lot of Ryu angst. There's going to be SOME Tats/Ryu. Maybe lots. I won't tell. Also, there _may or may not_ be some smut in this. Only if you're lucky.

Also: about names. Yeah, I'm perfectly aware of the correct naming setup in Japan. I've read _Gravitation_ in both English and Japanese. I just prefer the sound of their English names. It's a matter of taste. Oh yeah, and I'm using 'Yuki,' not 'Eiri.' It fits better.

P.S. Not everything is going to be this vague. But this is a prologue, right? They're intended to be like this. Same with chapter length.

So read, enjoy, and don't give up hope!! LOL.

**Disclaimer:** Don't make me cry, saying it.

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**Sparkly  
**Prologue: Enter Ryuichi Sakuma

(Even from the start I knew there was something wrong with me.)

The world didn't want me to be happy. It didn't matter for the first few years, but by the sixth or seventh year they would tell me to 'act my age.' I didn't know what that meant but sure, okay, I could go along with it.

But even when I tried, they told me it was wrong. They told me I was supposed to be mature. They told me I needed to talk like the eight- or nine- or ten-year-old I was, needed to answer questions and say smart things and at least be aware the way _everyone else _was. They told me I needed to take that beautiful poetry I wrote all the time and turn it into something useful, something that would support me in life.

So I did.

(I turned it into music.)

Still something was wrong. Nobody understood the lyrics the way they were supposed to. I tried to tell them, tried so hard, that they were holding me back, that it didn't matter that I was different or that I was slow. My lyrics were pretty, they all said. Even prettier when I sang them, because it turned out I had a beautiful voice too.

(But nobody understood.)

I turned smart and serious and _sad_ like the rest of them because they wanted to be, and they were the worst few years of my life. I would turn and see those faces all miserable, all calm and uncaring. That just wasn't me.

And I knew that I thought about it too much, and I knew it shouldn't have been nearly as important to me as it was.

(It was.)

I don't remember who it was, exactly, who told me that I wasn't the same. Sometime during my childhood, maybe later, maybe somewhere in the stretch between being a child and being an adult. But somebody, _somebody_ let me know how sad I looked, just me and not everybody else because for me it wasn't normal, and it was making them sad.

And hey, I just wanted everyone to be happy.

(_I _wanted to be happy.)

So I stopped looking like the rest of them and started smiling again. It got me places. It got me Tohma and Noriko, at any rate. It got me famous, thought it wasn't as important as me singing.

But I wouldn't have been singing anyway without the _sparkly_.

Everyone – everyone, but most importantly, Shuichi – wanted to know what the sparkly was. How does one answer a question like that? Shuichi was my sparkly. I wanted him to belong to me, wanted him to be mine, just so I could have that sparkly all to myself.

The sparkly didn't like that idea. It showed up the most when Eiri Yuki was around back then. It still does. So I gave up on getting Shuichi's sparkly.

I've always distantly admired him. How does he do it? Even when Shuichi's completely miserable, you can still see the traces of sparkly, in the form of self-confidence, in the form of somebody knowing who they really are. That's enviable.

As for me… I'm still looking.

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_Thanks for bearing with me thus far... review if you're up to it. Would be much appreciated._

_And updates? Soon, I think. I have the first few chapters done, but I'm hoping for some feedback before I make any big choices._


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